My Chaotic Mind

And I was convinced that I was not affected by my recent retrenchment. That everything happened for us to have greater improvements in our lives.

But right now, after the lights went out and everybody gone to sleep, I found myself sitting on my bed thinking.  I am lost inside my thoughts.  I’m trying to contemplate on the latest events that I did just some few days after the termination.  Was I really unaffected with what had happened?  Do I still feel safe?  Can I still manage to take care of myself like what I was used to?  I told almost everyone I knew that I would be bumming around for awhile.  But did I do that?  After some reflections on the activities that I did over the past few days, it did not show that I was prepared to bum around.  I was a bit restless and almost always have rush of crazy ideas on what to do in order for me to live.-- pay the bills and stake care of myself.   

Just the day before yesterday, I walked like crazy looking for vacant apartments.  One apartment was really expensive and did not know if it was wise to rent it.  The other one was too small.  I asked the 2 owners of those apartments if it was Ok for me to sub-lease the space and put up a bed spacing business. One was reluctant and the other one did not agree at all.

 Today, I confirmed my reservation for the seminar (Internet Marketing) that I’m almost reluctant to attend since it was really expensive (P 9,750.00).  But I have to risk this big amount just for me to earn.  Although they have a money-back guarantee plus they will be giving away an additional P1,000.00 for the trouble if this business wont work.  But it will still be after a year of no success. 

Maybe I’m still in the denial stage.  Thinking that I AM Ok.   Do I need to mourn on this first?  Do I need that stage?  I don’t know.  I want to move forward.  To be in a positive mindset already.

Chaotic mind I think is how my mind looks like today.  But one thing is for sure.  God is always guiding us.  God will never abandon us.  And that He has that BIG GREAT PLAN for us.  And this FACT gives me a sense of CALM and Well-being.  I could finally turn off my computer and have a very good sleep tonight.